Give Me a Passion

I think fall is officially here. Which makes the always-cold part of me shiver in anguish, and the favorite season part of me shout with joy. :) I am divided. Today was soo cold and windy. Haha. When I think about the weather in other places of the US, where the snow is already falling and it's really cold, I know myself for the weenie that I am. I know, it's sad.

So, the Lord has really been pressing me with the desire to be more passionate in my relationship with him. I am sick with myself, and how I have been preoccupied with other things, other people, when He alone is my reason for being. He is the One who holds me together, causes the breath to flow in and out of my lungs...yet I find myself seeking other things before him. Why is that?? Why, with all that He's done for me, can't I just seek him? My sinful heart is why! I continually give into the temptation and fall into the self-sufficient mindset, leaving Him behind. Through the girls retreat, various sermons, and worship for all the above I have seen my lack of passion for Him. I had my pastoral interview for membership into Crossway yesterday, and I was telling Nick *the pastor I was meeting with* about this lack in my walk with the Lord. I am becoming more aware of it daily...and I wonder, is it a new occurrence? Am I just now lacking, or is this something that has been going on for a while? Well, whichever the case may be, I am working through it now. God is faithful to reveal an area that needs work, and is always there when I cry out to Him for the strength to change. How amazing is that?! Wow. I stand in awe of His power and might, His love and grace. I want to love Him more, to be hopelessly lost in His love. He wants my romantic love, not just my general love. I think before, I had this "God" love...you know. He created me! Of course I love him. But I realize now he wants my passionate, whole-hearted, recklessly abandoned love. The kind people get strange looks for. This is kinda' crazy to think about! He is jealous for our affections.
We have been singing this song at the college meetings, and I want to share it in closing. This has helped me realize the depth of His love for me, and how much more I need to be loving Him.

"He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves.

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

That he loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

He loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves."

Its by Jesus Culture band. Youtube it.
Be blessed this week. Remember how he loves us.

Autumn Reflections

So, it's been a while. So sorry!! Haha. Things just get away from you when you get into a routine. But I have awesome news: I got full time work!! Yay! Praise the Lord!! I am soo blessed right now. It's at the deli, McAlisters and it's kinda crazy how it's all come about. The manager that hired me, got fired this last weekend. Yeah, and it was a crazy reason! But anyways, the key-holder person moved up to manager. The girl next in line got key-holder, and I got that girl's full time hours!! Yay!! I just hope the transition is smooth and things go alright. Phew! It's all so exciting. :) I couldn't stop smiling last night when I got the call. So, all that exciting-ness begins on Thursday.

I have been really tested these past few weeks as I was seeking the Lord on what to do about work. My hours were getting steadily worse. I have been completely at peace with God and my circumstances at times, then at others I'm in the depths of despair and I can see no way out of my situation. But through it all, whether on the mountain or seemingly in the valley, God has been the only constant thing in my life. Jobs waver and are lost; cars...well, they don't last either. He is faithful, no matter what happens. I can trust Him with my life without fear of rejection, or that He'll let me down. I know for me, I tend to impose human characteristics on God. Why? Because I am sinful, first of all. And second of all, I would understand a little bit of why He does what He does. As it stands now, I understand nothing...nor will I ever, at this rate. He is so wholly unlike us in every way. Perfect, Holy, Righteous and Just in all His ways. Like He would ever reject me?! I am so stupid sometimes, I amaze even myself. But seriously, think about that for a sec: do you place God in a box of your own dimensions? I know I do and I seeking the Lord's help to change me.

That's my big thought for the week. I'm going on a 2 day retreat this weekend, and will have tons more tidbits of stuff to share. See you on the other side. :)